When Saturn Smith was convicted of aggravated assault last week, a pall was cast on OS. Saturn was the smart and savvy journalist who kept us in touch with the world. I am grateful to her for granting me this exclusive interview. My prayers are with her and her family.
STEVE: Thank you so much, Saturn. I know this is a difficult time.
SATURN: Thank you, Steve. I appreciate the invitation.
STEVE: Let's start at the beginning for those who may not be familiar with your writing. You write for Open Salon.
SATURN: That's right.
STEVE: When did you start?
SATURN: August 2008.
STEVE: What type of writing do you do?
SATURN: Mainly news and politics. I try to focus on the big issues of the day.
STEVE: You're an excellent writer, Saturn -- knowledgeable and insightful. How many articles have you written?
SATURN: 72,653.
STEVE: Remarkable. As a writer, you were at the top of your game. What happened?
SATURN: Well, things were going well until Obama's trip to Cairo.
STEVE: What happened?
SATURN: I just didn't feel like writing. I had already written extensively about the Middle East and I just didn't feel like covering the whole thing again.
STEVE: So what did you do?
SATURN: I decided to focus on health care -- specifically, Obama's speech to the American Medical Association.
STEVE: And?
SATURN: I had written so many articles about health care that I just didn't want to write another one. So I decided to turn instead to the unrest in Iran.
STEVE: Okay.
SATURN: But I had written so much about Iran that the topic just didn't interest me. That's when I realized: I had written about every single topic known to man.
STEVE: That can't be, Saturn.
SATURN: It is.
STEVE: Well, did you consider writing about some esoteric subject?
SATURN: Like what?
STEVE: Well...like...maybe...the matriarchal social structure of the Choctaw Indians?
SATURN: I've done that.
STEVE: Well, what about the importance of cobalt to Burundi's economy?
SATURN: Done that.
STEVE: Stendhal's realism in La Chartreuse de Parme?
SATURN: Check.
STEVE: Wow. I can't imagine what it's like to exhaust human knowledge. Were you sad?
SATURN: Not really. I was actually looking forward to a little break from OS and spending some time with my family.
STEVE: Did you take a break?
SATURN: Yes. We had a wonderful weekend. We watched movies, ate pizza, and got lots of rest. It
was the following week that things fell apart.
STEVE: What happened?
SATURN: Well, I clicked on OS one morning and instead of writing, I decided to read.
STEVE: Dear God. Why?
SATURN: I just thought it would be nice to see what others were writing.
STEVE: And?
SATURN: I read about people's psychotic breakdowns, divorces, suicidal thoughts, sexual abuses, sadistic dreams, evil parents, cruel spouses, drugged-out children, and dying pets.
STEVE: Oh my.
SATURN: At first I didn't think it would affect me, but it did.
STEVE: How?
SATURN: I didn't want to leave the house anymore. I was depressed. I didn't care about hygiene, my family, or anything. Instead of reading Keats, I read Kafka. Instead of listening to Mozart, I listened to 2pac. Soon I was drinking, cussing, and calling my husband a nazi-chauvinist.
STEVE: I'm so sorry, Saturn. Why didn't you email me? I would have given you a list of inspirational writers at OS.
SATURN: I trusted the editors.
STEVE: I'm so sorry, Saturn. You do know that there are many uplifting writers at OS, don't you? Even I have been known to put a smile on people's faces!
SATURN: Well, I try to keep my reading above a third-grade level.
STEVE: I see. So what happened next?
SATURN: Things spiraled out of control. I began to see the world as maniacal -- a place occupied by cruel, selfish people, governed by sadistic tyrants who denigrate the soulless hordes until their suffering is so exquisite and unbearable that there's nothing left but to collapse on the ground, screaming and writhing, forever cursing a vengeful God who reigns over a hollow universe that reverberates with the heart-rending echo of interminable anguish and despair.
STEVE: Wow. When I feel that way, I just eat ice cream.
SATURN: OS showed me the world's ass, and I welcomed it. My rage mounted until one afternoon at Costco I spun out of control and clobbered an old lady who wished me "good day."
STEVE: That's awful! But, Saturn, our world isn't that bleak. There's also love, beauty, and laughter.
SATURN: Grotesque, maniacal laughter.
STEVE: No, Saturn. Genuine, heartfelt laughter.
SATURN: Really?
STEVE: Really.
SATURN: How do you know?
STEVE: Because I read 1IMom, shaggylocks, and Sheldon. They speak of a different world -- one with hope and joy.
SATURN: So there's light at the end of the tunnel?
STEVE: Well, not your tunnel, because you've committed aggravated assault. But there is light in most places.
SATURN: (Pauses). You know, Steve...this may sound strange...but I actually feel better about the world after listening to you, even though I've messed up my own life.
STEVE: Saturn, incarceration doesn't have to be a dead end. It can be an opportunity.
SATURN: How's that?
STEVE: Well, you say you've written about everything, right?
SATURN: Right.
STEVE: Have you written about the misery of living in a women's penitentiary?
SATURN: Well...come to think of it...no, I haven't.
STEVE: You see? Your literary career isn't over. It's about to blossom!
SATURN: (Jubilant). I never thought of it that way. You know, you're right: This IS an opportunity -- a great opportunity. Thank you so much, Steve. You're a ray of sunshine! I'm going to start writing right away. Gee, I hope the editors will like my new angle.
STEVE: Oh, they will, Saturn. Trust me, they will.
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